The Ultimate Deathmatches III
by xX GTAshadow Xx
Summary: More battles, more excitement!
1. Opening Night

**The Ultimate Deathmatches II**

_Hosted by Eva Sapphire._

"Look everyone! We've brought back the Deathmatches!" _Eva exclaims._

_So far, the only one in the stands is Homer Simpson._

"Boring!" _he complains._

"Yeah, shut up! This match'll attract people! It's Mitsurugi VS Link!" _Eva announces._

_Mitsurugi and Link enter the arena. As expected, tons of people show up._

"All right! Start the match!" _Eva exclaims._

_**Battle: Mitsurugi VS Link**_

**"Swords are not toys!" **

**"Hup, hyah!"**

_**Link throws his boomerang. Mitsurugi jumps and kicks Link. Link throws bombs. Mitsurugi gets hit! He's stunned! Link moves in and bashes Mitsurugi with his shield! Then, Link does the upward thrust and sends Mitsurugi flying out fo the arena.**_

_**Link wins!**_

_**End Battle!**_

"Wow! Link is so cool!" _Eva exclaims._

_A bunch of Link fangirls rush in, grab Link, and rush out._

"Okay... that was weird. Next up is Sora fighting an interesting match!" _Eva announces._

_**Battle: Sora VS Nobody's Heartless**_

_**15 Shadows, 10 Soldiers, 15 Dusks, 7 Samurai.**_

_**Sora activates "Final" Form and wipes out the Dusks. The Samurai, however, require a Summoning of Genie. Genie blowns them away! Sora easily slashes through the Shadows and Soldiers. **_

_**Sora wins!**_

_**End Battle!**_

"That's the power of the keyblade!" _Sora exclaims._

"Cool! At least there's no fangirls this time! And now, for those of you who were wondering where Donald and Goofy were, here they are!" _Eva announces._

_Donald and Goofy enter._

"And here's their opponent!" _Eva shouts._

_Pete enters._

_**Battle: Donald/Goofy VS Pete.**_

_**Donald casts Thunder. Goofy bashes Pete. Pete tries to sit on Donald, but trips. Donald casts Thunder. Donald casts Thunder again. Donald runs out of MP. Donald whacks away at Pete. Goofy bashes Pete. Pete falls over, then escapes.**_

_**Donald/Goofy win!**_

_**End battle!**_

"Donald always wastes his MP like that!" _Eva exclaims._

"Wasteful bastard!" _someone in the audience shouts._

"Suck enough Ethers, Donald?" _someone else yells._

"Now it's time for the main event! This one's big! It's Squall, Cloud, Ramza, Zidane, Tidus, Yuna (as a Gunner), and Sora against each other!" _Eva announces._

_**Battle: The Main Event **_

_**Squall lunges at Cloud. Ramza summons Cyclops and crushes Zidane and Tidus. Cloud casts Ultima. Zidane steals gil from Tidus. Tidus Blitz Ace's Zidane. Zidane is KO'd! Yuna Trigger Happy's Squall. Squall runs at Yuna, but gets tripped by Cloud's sword. Ramza Yells his Speed up. Yuna Trigger Happy's Ramza into the audience. Ramza recovers! Tidus KO's Ramza with Slice and Dice. Squall and Cloud KO each other! Tidus and Yuna... **_

**"Yuna! I don't wanna fight you!" _Tidus wanks._**

**"Tough luck, wanker!" _Yuna taunts as she KO's Tidus with Burst Shot._**

_**Yuna wins!**_

_**End battle!**_

"Wow! I didn't think Yuna would turn on Tidus like that! Cool!" _Eva exclaims._

_The audience is in an uproar!_

"Wow! They want more! Well, is they want more, they'll get more! Till next time! See ya!" _Eva announces._

_**TBC...**_

**It's possible there may be Riku VS Rikku...**


	2. Impending Danger

_The Arena... Eva has hired judges finally. Here they are!_

"Aeris!"

"Cid!"

"King Mickey!"

"Well, there's your judges! Now for our first match!" _Eva announces._

**Battle 1: Riku VS Rikku**

_**Riku pulls out Way to the Dawn. Rikku uses Super Mighty G. **_

**"I can break the damage limit, so watch out!" _Rikku exclaims as she equips Godhand._**

**"I can... do various attacks. With Way to the Dawn." _Riku says._**

_**They clash. Riku drops munny balls (?) in amazing quantities due to Rikku's Gillionaire. Rikku mixes together a Sunburst and deals 19998 damage! **_

**Rikku wins!**

"See ya!" _Rikku exclaims._

"Cool! That was an amazing skill, that Mix!" _Cid comments._

"Where's Riku? Will he be in any other battles?" _Aeris wonders._

"Probably. I know him. Maybe he and Xemnas can take each other sometime." _King Mickey says._

"Wow! What a battle! Now... this next match is different. It's an eating contest between Snorlax, Homer Simpson, Bobby Hill, and Garfield. Jughead couldn't make it due to reasons unknown... he was awesome last time." _Eva announces._

**Battle 2: Snorlax VS Homer Simpson VS Bobby Hill VS Garfield**

_**Snorlax gets a bunch of oranges from Kumquat Island.**_

_**Homer gets a bunch of donuts from the Power Plant.**_

_**Bobby gets a bunch of fruit pies from Peggy.**_

_**Garfield gets a bunch of lasagna from Jon.**_

"This one will take awhile, so let's check on it later. Now, let's see who's fighting now!" _Eva announces._

**Battle 3: Sephiroth VS Ultimecia**

**"Show me your strength..." _Sephiroth says._**

**"...kursed fool." _Ultimecia taunts._**

_**Ultimecia casts Meteor. Sephiroth casts a bigger Meteor. Ultimecia is knocked around. **_

**"Descend, Heartless Angel..." _Sephiroth says._**

_**Ultimecia is zapped. Sephiroth finishes her.**_

**Sephiroth wins!**

"Sephiroth can do _that_? Defeat an all powerful Sorceress?" _Aeris exclaims._

"Damn that Sephiroth!" _Cid shouts._

"Isn't he the one who stays at the Dark Depths?" _King Mickey wonders._

"Cool! Wait, someone's here! Hey, it's Gary Oak and he wants to do a little 1-on-1 with me! That's basketball, you sickos!" _Eva exclaims._

**Battle 4: Eva VS Gary Oak (Basketball)**

**Eva grabs the ball and dunks it. Gary grabs it. Eva steals! Eva shoots! It's good! Gary grabs the ball! Eva steals! Gary is pissed right off! He steals! Gary throws the ball straight at Eva! Eva catches it and throws it back at Gary, knocking him out! Ash Ketchum runs in, picks Gary up, and runs out.**

**Eva wins!  
**

"Gary can't stand losing.." _Aeris says._

"Eva kicked his ass!" _Cid comments._

"She should teach me some b-ball moves!" _King Mickey exclaims._

"I'd love to! ...anyway, we haven't had an interview yet! Our new interviewer, Namine, hasn't arrived yet. She must be too busy with Roxas, if you know what I mean! So, here's a word from our sponsor... uh oh... that's not good." _Eva announces._

**Squall appears... again.**

**"We wish to restore Hollow Bastion... I mean, Radiant Garden to what it was before. But we can't because we need Sora. Sora is out with Kairi doing..." _Squall announces, but gets cut off by Ultima Weapon knocking him out._**

**"Restore Radiant Garden! I'm the sponsor!" _Sora yells._**

"Sora... the sponsor gives money." _Eva says._

**"Money? MONEY? Fine! Here's eleventy-million munny!" _Sora exclaims._**

_**Sora disappears in a puff of smoke.**_

"I'm gonna fight again! There's an odd cloud forming above the arena and I'm gonna see what it is."_ Eva says._

_The cloud starts spawning multiple copies of Rinoa._

"No I'm not!" _Cloud objects._

"No, cloud, not **Cloud**:"_ Eva corrects. _"Anyway, time for the next battle!"

**Battle 5: Eva VS 'The Bitch Is Back'**

_**Eva pounds a few Rinoa's. Then she flips back and kicks a Rinoa into a whole group of them. **_

**"They're so weak!" _Eva exclaims._**

_**Eva finishes the battle with Ultima Fist! The Rinoa's disappear.**_

**Eva wins!**

"What's with this weird sh-t?" _Cid shouts._

"Could Rinoa truly be back?" _Aeris wonders._

"Who's Rinoa?" _King Mickey asks._

"If Rinoa's back, I'll just own her ass again! I'll keep going 'til she's gone for good! And I got Squall backing me up too! Anyway, we're outta time so come back next time for more Ultimate Deathmatches! ...stupid bitch, Rinoa!" _Eva announces._

**TBC...**

**"Gimme a 2! Gimme a B! Gimme a C O N T I N U E D!" _Eva cheers._**

**"Oh yeah, almost forgot. Remember our opening night? Well, the main event had Sora in it, but he didn't seem to fight, did he? Well, that's because he was off with Kairi ... (a semi drives past, followed by a herd of chocobos, which are also being chased by Sora and his Ultima Weapon)... and that's why he didn't show for the main event! And King Mickey was a guest judge! So I gotta start looking for another guest judge to join Aeris and Cid. Maybe Barret'll come back... or Yuffie. But I think Yuffie'd rather fight... and about Rinoa... she'll taste my Ultima Fist once again!" _Eva announces._**


	3. Rinoa Returns!

_Who's the new Judge?_

"Look! We got Mustadio as a Judge!" _Eva exclaims._

_Mustadio enters and shoots out a few windows._

"Oh.. you're gonna have to pay for that.." _Eva says._

"D'oh!" _Mustadio exclaims._

"Speaking of which, I believe Homer's doing great in the Eating Battle! Snorlax is gone... Ash Ketchum recalled it because it was full, so he sent it to Pallet Town for a rest. Garfield is still going strong with that lasagna! And Bobby... well, he dropped out and it seems he wants fight someone...:" _Eva announces._

_Homer and Garfield are strongly trying out-eat eachother._

"Who does Bobby wanna fight?" _Sandra asks._

"Sandra! You're here! I wondering when you'd come! And where's Kaylee?" _Eva exclaims._

"She'll be here... anyway, who's Bobby wanting to fight?" _Sandra asks again._

"Not sure yet... maybe he could fight Cait Sith? I've been looking to get rid of that useless..." _Eva says._

_Hank Hill enters, pushing a propane grill. _

"Taste the meat and not the heat." _he says._

"Hey, Hank! You know that Bobby wants to fight in the arena?" _Eva asks._

"What? He really does? Oh.. well, give him someone weak, he'll want an easy fight." _Hank says._

"Yeah, we will... but who?": _Eva asks._

_The locker room..._

_Mario, Luigi, and Link and battling a lage number of Heartless._

"What's the matter with these things?" _Mario asks._

_Sora rushes to the rescue! The Heartless are destroyed!  
_

"Ah, yes. Keyblade wielder... give us more hearts." _Saix says._

_Back at the Arena..._

"What was that about?" _Eva asks._

_Bobby is ready! He's got someone to fight!_

**Battle 1: Bobby Hill VS Elvis the Maian**

_**Bobby starts by swinging one of Hank's golf clubs at Elvis. Elvis fires his Phoenix's, but Bobby does a Dodge Roll! Bobby swings at Elvis, knocking him flying. Elvis tries a last-ditch attack with an N-Bomb, but the bomb slips and detonates in the crowd. Everyone gets dizzy and pukes all over... none other than... the most useless idiot ever... Malak Galthana.**_

_**Bobby Hill wins!**_

"Wow! Bobby's good!" _Aeris comments._

"What happened to pukin' all over Red?"_ Cid asks._

"He's gone back to Cosmo Canyon." _Mustadio says._

"Way to go, Bobby!" _Hank cheers._

_Looks like Ultimecia's back for some reason..._

"Why's she back? Didn't Sephiroth finish her?" _Eva asks._

"I kame back because I want a rematch. That kursed fool kannot get away with this." _Ultimecia says._

"But Sephiroth has already gone back to Radiant Garden - The Dark Depths. If you wanna fight him, you'll have to go there... and Leon and the others won't like that!" _Eva exclaims._

"Leon? That sounds... wait.. Leon.. hart? Squall Leonhart? I shall have my revenge on that kursed SeeD as well! Farewell!" _Ultimecia shouts._

_Ultimecia disappears in a cloud of pink smoke._

_Rinoa enters._

"Rinoa! She's back again!" _Eva shouts._

_Rinoa tries to run away, but Yuffie blocks her path._

"Goin' somewhere?" _Yuffie taunts._

_Rinoa starts to enter Angel Wing, but gets cut off by Eva and Yuffie doing their Limit, Sapphire Creation. Rinoa is sent flying out one of the windows that Mustadio shot out._

"Aw, she broke it more. Oh well, Mustadio's no longer in debt! Rinoa's gettin' the bill!":_Eva exclaims._

_Garfield passes out._

"What's this? Oh! The Eating Contest! Looks like Homer's won it: _Eva announces._

"Whoo hoo!" _Homer cheers._

_Homer gets into the family Sedan and speeds off._

"Ow, my ass!" _Homer yells._

"What? Outta time? Oh well, at least I got to beat Rinoa up again! Thanks, Yuffie! Well.. c ya!" _Eva exclaims._

_**TBC...**_


	4. Rinoa's Demise

_I'm gonna get you, Eva Sapphire!!_

"What!? ...oh, I was daydreaming... I thought I heard Rinoa threatening me... oh well! Time for more deathmatches! I really do hope Rinoa returns! Then I can **beat the hell outta her** again!" _Eva exclaims._

_A new Judge... or, actually Two New Judges!!_

_Casey MacDonald and Derek Venturi!_

"Our first match of the Struggle Tournament.. wait, that's not right.." _Eva says._

"I'll do it! Our first match is... Cloud VS Ganondorf!" _Derek announces._

**Cloud VS Ganondorf**

**Cloud pulls out Ultima Weapon. Ganondorf pulls out Soul Edge (!).**

**They clash. Cloud chops Soul Edge in half. Ganondorf powers up. Cloud casts Ultima. Ganondorf goes flying into a barrel of toxic waste. **

**The waste causes Ganondorf to mutate into Ganon. Cloud is knocked flying by Ganon. Ganon causes an earthquake. Cloud jumps and Omnislashes Ganon into pieces.**

**Cloud wins!**

"Cool! Lots of blood!" _Cid yells._

"Too much blood..." _Aeris says._

"It could've been cleaner..." _Casey comments._

"Go, Cloud! Way to go! He kicked his ass!" _Derek exclaims._

"Egad! My precious toxic waste! Who did this!?" _Mr. Burns demands._

_Eva sends Mr. Burns to the N-Zone._

"That's that! And where's Rinoa!?" _Eva exclaims._

_Clark Kent appears._

"Can I fight?" _he asks._

"Go, Clark!" _Lana Lang cheers._

"Okay! You can fight the next match! It's an Adamantoise!" _Eva says._

"Adaman-what?" _Clark asks._

_Eva pushes a button on a control panel, causing a hidden door to open. The giant turtle is behind it._

**Clark Kent VS Adamantoise**

**Clark uses his heat vision to try and burn the Adamantoise. But the Adamantoise is strong against fire, so instead Clark rushes forward to pummel it! Something green starts glowing inside the Adamantoise's shell... **

**"Kryptonite!" _Clark shouts._**

**Lana jumps in and grabs the kryptonite. She throws it into the crowd where it is eaten by an Onix. The Onix explodes.**

**Clark recovers and finishes off the Adamantoise.**

**Clark Kent (and Lana Lang) wins!**

**\**

"They just don't make those things like they used to..." _Cid comments._

"I remember fighting one with Cloud... we learned Death Force from it." _Aeris says._

"What's an Adamantoise?" _Derek asks._

"That thing was huge!" _Casey exclaims._

"Where are you, Rinoa!?" _Eva exclaims._

_Squall enters._

"Why are you shouting for Rinoa?" _Squall asks._

"I wanna smash her again!: _Eva exclaims._

"Oh.. can I help? She's been annoying me." _Squall says._

"Sure! But I get the finishing blow!" _Eva exclaims._

"Deal... now, we have to find her.." _Squall says._

"Hey, everyone... I wanna let you all know that I'm retirin'. I'm goin' back to Radiant Garden to beef up the defense mechanism. So long!" _Cid announces._

_Cid has retired._

"Oh... Cid left. Well, Derek and Casey have decided to stay as judges! And we'll be getting a new Judge later!" _Eva announces._

"While waiting for the next match, here's a video clip of life a Balamb Garden." _Squall says._

_**Balamb Garden...**_

_**Zell is eating hot dogs. Irvine is playing cards with some girl. Selphie is dancing in the Quad, apparently rehearsing for the new festival. Quistis is just being Quistis. Rinoa is in Squall's dorm... taking things out of his drawers... wait... RINOA!? What the hell!?**_

"Rinoa!? She's in my stuff again!!" _Squall yells._

_Squall storms out._

"That... bitch! I hope Squall brings her back! I wanna squash her!" _Eva exclaims._

_Squall returns, dragging a screaming Rinoa behind him._

"Squall!! You said we'd go out!! Why aren't we going out!? You owe me a date!! Come on!! We're going to a nice fancy restaurant!! Hurry up!" _Rinoa screams._

"Rinoa!! I challenge you!" _Eva exclaims._

"See, Rinoa? We're out. THIS is our 'date'. So, enjoy it or shut up! Oh, and I have decided to sit this one out, Eva. I think you should do the honors. I simply brought her. You finish her, just like you wanted." _Squall says._

"Squall!! You are NOT getting away with this!!" _Rinoa screams as she is dragged into the arena by Eva._

**Eva VS Rinoa**

**"Finally... I can finish this!" _Eva exclaims._**

**_"_Squall!! Get me OUT OF HERE!! You worthless sack of..." _Rinoa screams as she gets cut off by Eva's Ultima Fist._**

**Eva kicks Rinoa back. She turns to an Army General in the crowd, (who turns out to be General Caraway!).**

**"Sir? Can I use your sword?" _Eva asks._**

**"Sure. Be careful with it." _the General says._**

**Eva takes the sword and cleaves Rinoa in half. Then, as a finishing move, she slices off Rinoa's head!**

**"Yeah! I finished the bitch!" _Eva cheers._**

**Eva wins!**

_Eva returns the sword._

"Good one! I always wanted to get rid of her! She's always whining about something! Like borrowing the car, more gil, and whatever else!" _the General says._

"Wow! She put Rinoa in her place!" _Derek exclaims._

"Very bloody, but at least Rinoa's dead." _Aeris says._

"Eva fights like Babe Raider." _Casey comments._

"Yeah, she does! I can't believe I didn't notice that!" _Derek exclaims._

"Well, Rinoa's dead. Now, we can move on to more important matches. But they'll have to wait, 'cause we're outta time! C ya!" _Eva exclaims._

_**TBC...**_


	5. Kaylee, Sandra, and Heather

"Welcome back! I'm so glad that Rinoa's gone! Oh, and we haven't found any new judges yet, but my friends Kaylee and Sandra and stopped by to help out!" _Eva announces._

"Hi! I'm Sandra, and I can steal anything!" _Sandra exclaims as she uses Tantalize on the crowd._

_The crowd goes wild and beats Malak up._

"I'm Kaylee! I like guns!" _Kaylee exclaims as she reads a Boring Poem which puts the crowd to sleep._

"Oh, yeah... Kaylee is an expert speaker and sniper. She says she owes her good sniping skills to Mustadio!" _Eva announces._

"I'm looking forward to kicking the crap outta anyone who challenges me!" _Kaylee taunts._

"Oh, right! Our first match!" _Eva announces._

**Battle 1: Tidus VS Agrias**

_**Tidus pulls out Excalibur (B.D.L, Alchemy, First Strike, 1 MP Cost).**_

_**Agrias has.. two!? Excalibur and Save the Queen!**_

_**Tidus tries to pull off a Blitz Ace, but instead gets interrupted by Lightning Stab. Agrias delivers a Crush Punch. Tidus is knocked out.**_

_**Agrias wins.**_

"That was quick." _Aeris says._

"How could she hold two huge swords like that?" _Casey asks._

"Who cares? She's hot!" _Derek exclaims._

"Dude, she was in a Drive form." _Sora comments._

"Sora? Where'd you come from?" _Aeris asks._

"Gummi ship." _Sora replies._

"Wow! Now we're heading outside, where Homer Simpson has been driving around." _Eva announces._

_Outside..._

_Homer is driving around, crashing into stuff. He gets out, kicks Barney across the street, Barney belches, and Homer gets back in the car and continues crashing into stuff and blowing up other cars._

"Lousy, rotten karmic retribution.." _he says._

"I have no insurance.. !" _he exclaims._

_Suddenly, Mr. Burns pulls up in a tank!_

"Ooh, Mr. Burns! I wonder if Homer can defeat him?" _Eva says._

**Battle 2: Homer VS Mr. Burns**

_**Homer speeds towards the tank. Mr. Burns struggles with the gun, but he manages to fire off a shell the destroys someone's house. Homer jumps (!) over the tank and blows up a van. Burns rotates the gun and tries to fire at Homer, but the gun jams! Homer rams the tank head on, causing it to explode!**_

_**Homer wins!**_

"Explosions!" _Derek cheers._

"I am evil Homer! I am evil Homer!" _Homer shouts._

"That was cool.. !" _Casey comments._

_Aeris is gone. She went to give Squall his gunblade. She'll be back for the next battle._

"Can I fight? Can I fight?" _Kaylee asks hyperly._

"Sure! I was gonna arrange it anyway... you will fight... Malak!" _Eva exclaims._

_Some arena attendants pick Malak up and drag him to the arena._

**Battle 3: Kaylee VS Malak**

_**Malak runs around like an idiot. Kaylee uses Leg Aim. Malak is immobilized. Malak screams like a Ghoul. Kaylee uses Arm Aim. Malak is disabled. Malak continues screaming.**_

**"Ugh! That screaming is ANNOYING!" _Kaylee shouts._**

_**Kaylee uses Spellstopper. Malak is silenced. Kaylee finally uses Head Aim. Malak's head explodes.**_

**Kaylee wins!**

_Aeris is back._

"I just got back to see Malak's head explode... ? So much blood..." _Aeris says._

"Cool! What a shot!" _Derek comments._

"I bet Edwin would love to see that!" _Casey exclaims._

_Edwin is shown in the crowd, cheering._

_So is George. The rest just puked all over Malak's dead body._

"Head Aim.. I gotta remember that." _Mustadio says._

_Squall enters, with an unknown Samurai._

"Wait.. that Samurai... it couldn't be.. Heather?" _Eva asks._

"Yes, Eva... it's me.. Heather." _the Samurai replies._

"She came to Garden for tips about the Gunblade. It appears she didn't need any. She's great!" _Squall explains._

"And I would like to challenge Heishiro Mitsurugi." _Heather says._

"Okay! He's... already in the ring?" _Eva says._

**Battle 4: Heather VS Mitsurugi**

**"You will be in hell, long before me!"**

**"You shall burn in hell."**

_**Heather opens up with Power Break. Mitsurugi jumps.**_

**"Like a Lancer.. ? But how?"**

_**Heather also jumps and uses Fated Circle. The circle of energy knocks Mitsurugi back to the ground.**_

**"Damn, you're dead!"**

_**Mitsurugi powers up and charges! Heather dodges and uses Rough Divide! The attack sends Mitsurugi flying out through a window!**_

**Heather wins!**

"Now, that's an attack!" _Derek cheers._

"He went flying!" _Casey exclaims._

"Good, not as much blood." _Aeris comments._

"Squall... she can do your Limits..." _Eva says._

"That was the 'gunblade advice' she was seeking.." _Squall says._

"I wonder if she'll use Lionheart..." _Eva says._

_**TBC...**_


	6. An Impressive Battle

"Well, we got a big surprise for Derek! I can't say it 'cause he's already here! And Derek also wants to fight Mario! Yes, _Derek_ wants to fight!" _Eva announces._

"And I'm gonna fight Bowser and Donkey Kong!" _Kaylee adds._

"I'll take on Locke Cole! I wanna steal a few things!" _Sandra exclaims._

"Well, let's get to the first battle!" _Eva announces._

**Battle 1: Kaylee VS Bowser/DK**

_**Kaylee Arm Aims DK, but Bowser blocks it, allowing DK to smash the ground.**_

**"...can't.. hold on... wait.. Float!" **_**Kaylee exclaims.**_

_**Kaylee begins to float.**_

_**DK gets ready to punch. Kaylee tries to snipe, but fails. DK smashes her.**_

**"OW! He's tough!" **_**Kaylee shouts.**_

_**Kaylee uses her Limit, Plasma Energy and pelts DK with rapid shots.**_

**"Feel the power of my plasma rifle!" **_**Kaylee taunts.**_

_**DK goes flying and explodes. **_

_**Bowser recovers and breathes fire. Kaylee dodges and blows him away with Plasma Energy.**_

**Kaylee wins!**

"If only DK didn't explode..." _Aeris says quietly._

"Cool! He blew up!" _Derek shouts._

"Messy.. !" _Casey comments._

"Well, I'm gonna take care of Locke now!" _Sandra exclaims._

**Battle 2: Sandra VS Locke Cole**

_**Sandra charms Locke, causing him to fall into the crowd where a bunch of fangirls rush him. He recovers and blows them away with Ultima.**_

**"Ah! Ultima!" **_**Sandra shouts.**_

_**Sandra steals! **_

_**Stole "ValiantKnife".**_

_**Locke steals!**_

_**Stole "Air Knife".**_

_**Sandra steals 1500 gil! Locke jumps using DragoonBoots.**_

_**Sandra defends! Locke comes down and misses! Sandra steals!**_

_**Stole "DragoonBoots".**_

_**Locke summons Golem!**_

_**Sandra attacks, but the attack is blocked by Golem. Locke steals!**_

_**Couldn't steal!**_

_**Sandra uses Tantalize... Locke (and the crowd) becomes confused! Locke casts Ultima and gets KO'd!**_

**Sandra wins!**

"Wow! She's got me under her spell.." _Derek says while Tantalized..._

"That was nice stealing." _Aeris comments._

"What's Derek's surprise?" _Casey asks._

"Derek has a surprise?" _Marti asks._

"Wow! Cool! Now it's time for the big battle! This is for Derek!" _Eva announces._

**Battle 3: Lara Croft 'Tomb Raider' VS 'Babe Raider'**

_**Lara Croft shoots a hail of bullets. Babe Raider flips back and throws a bomb. Lara dodges and shoots Babe Raider. Lara Croft and Babe Raider each throw a grenade at once. Double KO!**_

_**It's a draw!**_

"That was it? Awesome!" _Derek comments._

"Oh yeah.. !" _Edwin adds._

"They're all chest and legs.. and chest.." _Casey says._

"I agree..." _Aeris says quietly._

"It's time for my fight!" _Derek shouts._

**Battle 4: Derek VS Mario**

_**Derek picks Mario up and throws him. Mario counters with a fireball. Derek lures Mario over with some coins, then beats the hell out of him with a hockey stick. Derek does a Slapshot! Mario goes flying into a distant hockey net.**_

**Derek wins!**

"So, Derek's hockey skills pay off here too.." _Casey says._

"That's it for tonight! See ya next time!" _Eva announces._

_**TBC... **_


	7. Heavy Action

"All right! We're back!" _Eva announces._

_Sandra reads the list of battles._

"Hey, who's 'John Vattic'?" _she asks._

_Vattic walks in._

"Hey, I'm Dr. John Vattic. I want to fight that huge turtle advertised out there."_ Vattic says._

"..we already did that... the Adamantoise was defeated last year." _Eva says._

"Crap. Then I'll just fight some soldiers." _Vattic suggests._

"All right. Dr. John Vattic and SOLDIER? Sounds great!" _Eva exclaims._

**Battle 1: Dr. John Vattic VS SOLDIER**

_**Vattic uses Telekinesis to throw an exploding barrel at a 3rd-Class SOLDIER. It kills him and injures surrounding SOLDIERs. Some 2nd-Class SOLDIERs begin casting Fire spells. Vattic quickly dispatches them with Psi Attack. While his Psi energy is recharging, Vattic picks off some SOLDIERs with an SMG. A SOLDIER-1st does a drive-by on a motorcycle. Vattic shoots the bike, causing it to explode and kill the SOLDIER. **_

_**"Enough of this!" Vattic shouts.**_

_**Vattic finishes the SOLDIERs with a Psi Blast!**_

_**John Vattic Wins!**_

"So much blood again... " _Aeris whispers._

"Yeah! The SMG was cool!" _Derek comments._

"I agree with Aeris... too much blood.. " _Casey says._

"SOLDIER drive-by!! Reminds me of Cloud.. !" _Tifa exclaims._

"Tifa!? When did _you_ get here?! And Cloud's mine!" _Aeris shouts._

"I came as a new judge! And Cloud's MINE!!" _Tifa counters._

_Vincent sneaks up and shoots them both with his new Cerberus Tranquilizer darts._

"That'll calm 'em down..." _he says._

_Vincent disappears._

"I guess it's just Derek and Casey for awhile.." _Kaylee says._

"Where did you find Tifa anyway?" _Sandra asks._

"I visited this town called 'Edge'. She said she'd join us if she could see Cloud again." _Eva explains._

"I'm sure Cloud will fight more battles! And Shadow! Can't forget Shadow!" _Kaylee exclaims._

"Yeah, and Edgar, Sabin, Cyan!!" _Sandra adds._

"Hey, where'd Heather go?" _Sandra asks._

"She said she needed to return home to guard her family's treasures. They're rich you know! Someone's gotta guard the treasures!" _Kaylee exclaims._

"Oh well, we'll miss her. Anyway, let's start the next fight!" _Eva announces._

**Battle 2: Carl "CJ" Johnson VS Spira**

_**CJ walks in and pulls out a pair of pistols and puts on a jetpack.**_

_**He flies around Spira and spots Seymour. He immediately wastes him.**_

_**"Shoulda got the f--k outta here!"**_

_**Wakka appears and throws his blitzball. CJ shoots it down and wastes Wakka.**_

_**"Havin' fun yet!?"**_

_**Tidus gets wasted right after that. Followed by Kimahri, Maester Mika, and some Guado Glories players. **_

_**Yuna appears and pulls out her own pistols. They start shooting at each other. Yuna shoots the jetpack off and CJ plummets.**_

_**"I HATE GRAVITY!! OH F--K!!"**_

_**Yuna does her victory pose, then revives Wakka, Tidus, and Kimahri. **_

_**The winner is... Yuna!? **_

"CJ got wasted?" _Derek asks._

_CJ appears at the arena's hospital with no weapons._

"Damn, I shoulda dated Katie!" _he yells._

"Does CJ have Reraise?" _Aeris asks, waking up._

"Does he have Phoenix-Added Effect materia?" _Tifa wonders._

"What the hell is materia!?" _CJ shouts._

"Materia!? Lemme at it!!" _Yuffie exclaims._

"Hey! Yuffie can fight for materia!" _Eva announces._

"Really!? YAY!! I get materia!!" _Yuffie cheers._

**Battle 3: Yuffie's Materia Hunt**

_**Yuffie sneaks into Cloud's Villa and steals Fire materia, Ice Materia, and a Revive materia.**_

_**Cloud walks in and wonders what's going on.**_

_**Yuffie steals Reno's 'Alcohol' materia.**_

_**Reno is seen chasing her to get it back, but he falls off the Shinra Building and lands in a truck full of dirt.**_

_**Yuffie steals a huge brown materia from Cosmo Canyon. Turns out that materia was powering Red XIII's house. **_

_**Yuffie steals a horde of materia from the old Shinra Mansion in Nibelheim. It consists of: Ice, Fire, Lightning, Protomateria (oops, better return it to Vincent!), 21 fakes, and a Summon called "Kaiser Dragon".**_

"What.. was that?" _Derek asks._

"Aww, Yuffie's gonna be tired!" _Aeris exclaims._

"I wanna see Edgar fight sometime soon!" _Tifa suggests._

"Edgar? You mean that guy with the tools who fixed the stage at the auditorium? Yeah, I wanna see him too!" _Casey exclaims._

"Edgar will fight sometime! But we're outta time! So c ya!" _Eva announces._

_**Continued...**_

**Ash (Ketchum) VS Ashe?**

**(What, would Ashe summon Belias so something to fight Pikachu? No! Summon Addrammalech to absrob Thunderbolt!)**

**And John Vattic's not dead, CJ respawned at a hospital, and the Adamantoise might come back (or it could be a different one)!**


	8. The Final Battle

"Hey, I realized that Tifa made a mistake... she meant to say 'Final Attack' materia! And also there's already been an Adamantoise fight! But those things spawn like mad, so don't be suprised to see another!" _Eva announces._

_Squall is seen fighting two Adamantoises._

"I have to get a Whisper so Quistis can learn White Wind!" _Squall says._

"...we all know he wants to make Lionheart..." _Kaylee says._

"Looks like Rinoa's back!?" _Eva exclaims._

"She seems to have stopped being a bitch." _Sandra says._

"Squally beat me up!! He said for me to stop being a bitch or he'd chop me once he creates Lionheart!!" _Rinoa whines._

"Well, this can be Rinoa's big test! We can find out if she's worthy of working with us!" _Eva announces._

**Battle 1: Rinoa's Mission**

_**Rinoa is shown running towards a large house. She throws something at the door, causing a crazy old lady to charge out throwing cats at her. **_

**"It was just cat food!! ..crazy bitch.." **_**Rinoa exclaims.**_

_**Rinoa throws a package at a small house. Zell comes out and picks it up.**_

**"Hey, hotdogs! Thanks, Rinoa!" **_**Zell shouts.**_

_**Cloud appears and shows Rinoa a motorbike. They race up a large mountain. Rinoa gets to the summit first.**_

**Rinoa wins!**

"Hey, cool! She's not a bitch anymore!" _Derek comments._

"I'm happy for her..." _Aeris says._

"But she beat Cloud in a race!!" _Tifa shouts._

"Oh, he'll get her next time!" _Casey exclaims._

"I also have a sad announcement... this is gonna be the last installment of the Deathmatches. We're low on gil. Cloud tried to get more gil, Yuffie sold a mastered All materia, and Squall raked in SeeD money. But it's not enough... so let's go out with a bang!!" _Eva announces._

**Final Battle: Everyone VS Omega Weapon**

**"Man, this thing's huge! Which version is it?" **_**Derek asks.**_

**"Version X2F01. The ultimate Omega." **_**Quistis says.**_

**"Let's thrash it!" **_**Yuffie exclaims.**_

_**Vincent appears with Death Penalty.**_

**"Yeah. Let's end this. ...and why is Gackt singing?" **_**he says.**_

_**Gackt stops singing.**_

**"Good. Thank you." **_**Vincent says.**_

_**Squall attacks Omega.**_

_**Rinoa casts Aura and enters Angel Wing.**_

_**Cloud omnislashes Omega.**_

_**Vincent shoots.**_

_**Yuffie tries to find Omega's weak point.**_

_**Edgar drills Omega.**_

_**Tifa performs her limits.**_

_**Zell does Booya.**_

_**Rinoa casts Meteor.**_

_**Angelo attacks.**_

_**Omega fires rockets.**_

_**Omega uses Terra Break.**_

_**Homer absorbs Terra Break (somehow) and returns it.**_

_**Kefka casts Ultima.**_

_**Sephiroth starts whining about how he wants Omega to win.**_

_**Cloud omnislashes Sephiroth.**_

_**Yuffie throws Sephiroth out.**_

_**Aeris does Great Gospel.**_

_**Omega casts Meteor.**_

_**Rinoa casts Meteor.**_

_**Selphie casts Meteor.**_

_**Ultimecia casts Meteor, (on herself and dies).**_

_**Quistis casts Shockwave Pulsar.**_

_**Locke summons Gilgamesh.**_

_**Gilgamesh uses Excalibur, followed by Zantetsuken (miss), then Masamune. And finally Excalipoor...**_

_**Ashe fires casts Scathe, Scourge, and Flare.**_

_**Penelo throws bombs.**_

_**Balthier shoots.**_

_**Vaan casts Scathe.**_

_**Fran shoots.**_

_**Omega casts Scathe, Meteor, and Death. Followed by Lv. 5 Death.**_

_**Ramza casts Ultima, throws a stone, then attacks with two Chaos Blades.**_

_**Basch attacks with an axe.**_

_**Rinoa casts Meteor.**_

_**Rinoa casts Meteor. (Wow, she's fast...)**_

_**Selphie finally uses The End.**_

_**Omega Weapon falls!**_

"Well, that's it for the deathmatches! Did everyone have fun?" _Eva asks._

"Everyone but me!!" _Malak shouts._

_Rafa kicks him._

"Shut up! No one cares!" _she exclaims._

_**So This Is...**_

_**The End.**_

_**Good one, Selphie!**_

**Oh and Rinoa and Cloud did race again. They raced down Mt. Chiliad on bicycles. Cloud won with his superior stamina.**

**CJ gave him a rocket launcher.**


End file.
